I have written this book for several reasons. The story is special to me because of my love for my family and my lifelong interest in my missing uncle. It is a sensationalistic story and no author can pass up an opportunity to record such a story. Fiction could not be more unique than what happened to this family. At the same time, I believe there were reasons my uncle became lost to his family, and I don't think those reasons are so uncommon to all the rest of us. As the story of my uncle is told, many would call it tragic, others will call it victorious. As we look at his plight and miraculous restoration, it is my desire that people who have similar issues and problems can begin a restoration at the reading of this material. I think that all would agree that my uncle's life can be used to benefit many. God is the one who gives beauty for ashes, so if you find yourself getting healed as you read this book, that was my intention. My uncle passed away this year, (1998) and I believe the timing of this book is perfect for all who come in contact with it. I did not feel comfortable releasing the sensitive message in this book while he lived. I do wish to offer this book as a memorial to him, in addition to the memories of him that we have.
The title should be discussed here. What Happened To Anton (Antone) Christian Erickson? Most know what physically happened to him. He disappeared, and was found after 54 years. This title has a double meaning. I am not talking about where he was, or how he spent his time. What happened to him? What caused his disappearance? What inner problem brought about his destiny? What happened to Anton, so that we later had to ask, what happened to Anton? I do not know if I answer both the questions fully or not in this writing. You can judge that as the reader.
Woven throughout this book is information and revelation God has shown me over many years. It deals with the sensitive subject of children and their fathers. If you feel it is not applicable to you, then only know that my heart is to help people, and that is the basis of the extra information. Before you too quickly judge that you don't have a father issue hidden somewhere in your life, please consider the fact that all of us have an issue that we cannot deny. When we get saved, we are reconciled to God the Father, but we still have a huge wall between Him and us, and while on this Earth, we live with that wall. It is a wall of His Holiness, and our sinful flesh, and He spends the rest of our earthly lives trying to remove it. Painfully though, we only see through a glass darkly, and although total reconciliation of spirit, soul and body is a high prize we can move towards, it is a goal that will not be fully realized until we see Him face to face. When we obtain more healing in the area of our earthly fathers, we further bridge the wall between us and our Heavenly Father. If you do find this book is helpful, then pass it along to someone else. I know God will faithfully show you who could benefit. The earthly life of my uncle is over, the Heavenly one has begun. But the Anton Christian Erickson saga is just beginning, and in print, Uncle Anton has some mighty lessons to teach. This is a story of healing. Let the healing begin...
Greg Nichols
Special Note From The Author: This little e-book has made some amazing inroads, many have read it with great eye opening helps. I was able to present it on television recently on a Christian program. We make it free online, and people are referring it to others, either by email or printed copy. One fellow passed this around in prison, while he was there. Many of the prisoners who read it were excited and blessed and felt that someone had told their story, or at least nailed the reason they were there. If this book has any redemptive power, God gets all the credit, which you will see as you read on. This author had to have ashes before rebuilding, and God's hand was in every step of the rebuilding. I make one request of readers. Please take this to heart. Do not read this with others in mind, but yourself. Read it slowly and squeeze every piece of healing and restoring information with introspective thinking only. Do not try to change any one else with it until you are well under way in your healing yourself. Allow hard to hear things and good to hear things in this e-book go inside to bring change. Read this prayerfully. Pray after every new revelation. Speak with God about the ground you gain. Be easy on yourself about your mistakes, for God loves you, and forgives. This e-book at most is only a sign post to point you to Jesus, who brought forth this work of love. Do not treat this e-book as a destination, but only a temporary inn you stay at on the way to God and His restoration and destiny for your life!
WHAT HAPPENED TO ANTON CHRISTIAN ERICKSON?
A Story Of Healing
Chapter 1 Good Bye Uncle
I drove all morning towards Hayward, California, from my hometown of Sacramento. Something in me said go. I wanted to pay tribute to a man now dead and a man still alive. I sensed these men's destinies were linked to mine. I couldn't miss today.
Hayward, California, July 8, 1998
I walked into the mortuary with my wife, 2 small sons, and my mom. A man stood near the entrance with the usual grieving look people in his profession are supposed to have. He led us to a back room where I recognized a single solitary person sitting over in a chair in the corner of the chapel lobby. The man was dressed in a sharp blue suite. When his eyes caught a glimpse of us, he jumped up and walked over to us. He gave a small smile, but unlike the first man I saw, this man had a real look of grief on his face. This was my Uncle Ray. Uncle Ray hugged us and embraced my mom warmly. She is his big sister. Uncle Ray is a kind man of good character. Although he was known for a fierce temper in his younger days, now at 73, Uncle Ray has grown softer and easier. He has a way of making you feel important, no matter who you are. Uncle Ray led us into a mortuary viewing room. We saw a casket across the room. It was open, and we approached it slowly. I got that tingle up my spine that always comes when you are about to see something you don't want to see. My little boys stretched cautiously to look inside. My mom and Uncle Ray approached respectfully and stood side by side and stared at their older brother. I walked up and recognized the familiar face of Uncle Tony, or Uncle Anton (Antone). Laying there, he was peaceful and looked distinguished. His face was gaunt. Thin gray hair was combed straight back covering a balding head. Uncle Tony was dressed in a cotton shirt buttoned at the top button and wearing a dark green sweater. It was his favorite sweater. I touched his hand. It was cold and icy. He looked asleep, and at great peace. My Christian faith reminded me he was not in this casket. This was an earthly tent or shell which had now been discarded.
Other family members were now arriving. My Uncle Ray and his wonderful wife, Maureen, greeted each one now. We assembled in a small chapel. We sat and listened to a recording of someone singing "How Great Thou Art." As it was sung, I reflected on how fitting a song it was for this time. God had woven a story like no other. And I couldn't tell if the story was now over or just beginning. In fact, I couldn't believe this story happened in my family. As I sat on the seat, at the mortuary, the service was beginning. I looked around. So few had come, but why was I surprised? I counted the people. There were 20, not counting the 2 ministers. I looked at a program in my hands. It read, "In Loving Memory, Anton Christian Erickson, January 11, 1914 - July 5, 1998."
The minister gave a beautiful message that day. I took notes. I learned much more from this Pastor who had got to know Uncle Anton pretty well. As I sat though on the seat listening, my mind went back over the events of the last 4 years, and of the prior 54 years before that. It was a story so beautiful, it may not translate to you as beautifully as I see it. That would be a crime. So I will have to let you see what I am thinking and tell it to you exactly, word by word, until you can see the beauty too. Let's zoom in on my thoughts that day. God, let me remember them perfectly. As I sit in the chapel seat, I close my eyes. A man is speaking. The picture of Uncle Tony in the casket leaves my mind. The picture of the surrounding mortuary leaves my mind. My mind goes back to my own childhood, and then even further back to the stories told to me by my mom of her childhood. I see a prairie in South Dakota. I also see a country in difficult economic times. My mind goes to the 1930's, in the midwest. I think of a rugged family who had braved many things to survive and send out many children into this nation. This story is about this family, two men, and their God. It is also about fathers and their children everywhere.
My uncle Tony was a man who had serious father issues in his life. God needed to come and rescue him. What is a father issue?
Father Issues
There are very good fathers out there! Many father's are doing their jobs well and they are pleasing in God's eyes. But many other men cannot father well for a number of reasons. There is an old adage: "Any man can sire a child, but it takes a special man to father a child." God has been working on restoring children and their fathers, or at least giving them father figures since time began. The apostles knew quite a bit about fathering in the New Testament.
Sad But True
In our country, many children are raised by one parent routinely, even if the other is not out of the home. In many families, one parent will take more responsibility, reluctantly, because they have to. Many people enter parenthood carrying unresolved issues, excess baggage, and, heavy emotional hang-ups given to them, partly, by, their parents. This baggage can impair their ability to parent properly. Often, only God can unravel the messes and stop the generational curses from transferring on. Divorce is also prevalent, and many parents justify it by saying, "kids are resilient and they will get over it." In a way they do, but without God, they can be thrown off balance for life. They will often grow up not knowing what a happy home looks like. How can they build one themselves? I dare say they better not try without God. The family structure is God's idea, His plan, and His way to impart all He wants imparted in childhood. When evil attacks a family, Satan's goal is the destruction of children's futures just as much as when he had sent Pharoah's soldiers to kill babies in Egypt, or Herod's soldiers killing Jewish babies in Bethlehem. It is the children that personified evil targets. Some of the weapons coming against marriages are lust, selfishness, pride and deception. Some of God's greater weapons to save marriages and children, and their family environments are forgiveness, unconditional love, humility, self control, honor, self sacrifice, and self denial. As you can see, these attributes are the attributes of Jesus Christ, and a commitment to follow Him will help a parent do what is right. I heard a pastor say once, "the greatest gift you can give your children is to love their mother, or their father as the case may be." Now I have been talking about marriages still together. If there has been a divorce, and the scrambled eggs cannot be unscrambled, then, working amicably with an ex-spouse for the children is helpful to those children. I am saying that wherever you are when you finally choose to follow Christ and His principles will have to be acceptable, and can work wonders at helping the children.
I believe the failure of fathers in our nation has been greater than the failure of mothers. Men can be harder, tougher, more callous, and so on where children are concerned. If this is not you, then great. But this is going on all around you, so don't bury your head just because it isn't you.
Call it the mothering instinct, or a gift of God, or whatever, but women stay faithful to their kids, and nurture them the best they can under tough circumstances. A negligent mother is less common than an uncaring father. Now couple this sad state with the fact that children draw most of their self esteem from their fathers, and who they are, their identity, their very destinies, and futures. The single mother can impart much, but she cannot make a whole man or a whole woman. God did not intend it. One of the big issues in our country is the father issue. If you think I am talking about fathers who abandon or leave, that is not the whole picture. Some fathers in the home, if they do not change, might actually do less damage if not in the home.
Some of the problems I see in fathers who are in the home raising their children are:
1) father expects too much (B+ not good enough)
2) father doesn't know what the grades are because he can't come out of his own world long enough
3) father abuses physically (beatings, molestation, etc.)
4) father abuses verbally
5) father has no mercy
6) father is perfectionist
7) father mistreats mother
8) father doesn't care
9) father blames child for problems
10) father unwittingly curses identity in an attempt to teach or correct. example: "You are a liar, you always have been a liar, and you always will be, so stop it." (Now seriously, will this help stop a child from lying?)
11) Through ignorance, father fails to impart a sense of emotional security, or an identity in their young person. Maybe father does this successfully, but the mother has issues from her father which are then imparted to the child anyway.
Other ways a child suffers with fathering:
1) father deceased
2) divorce takes father out of home
3) father in prison
4) step father in home who is intolerant or abusive because he is not raising his own blood child
I am not making mothers out to be saints, some mothers do these same things, but I know the long term damage is greater if the father does it. The father, by gender, is the ambassador of God in the home, and often, the child's perception of God is what they saw in the father.
Another Even Bigger Problem
One other way a person can suffer from father issues, or excessive emotional baggage, is through their mother's father. I did not see this for many years until God showed it to me. A person might have an excellent father, but the mother's shame, or low self esteem, or other emotional baggage from her upbringing can all transmit to the child also.
Now, what if the child's father is not a good one, and, the mother's father also created serious issues in the mother, and the child receives those within their being also? Only God can unravel this kind of situation, and it is all too common. Many people you know right now have had this happen to them. Maybe I still did not hit the nail on the head. What if three generations back, a person had a huge father issues, or a paternal grandfather issue, or both, and there is no way to know about it, because every one involved is now dead? Only God would know about it. This can be so subtle, and so splintered in generational fragmentation of emotional baggage, that God alone can only do the delivering of the individual. Sin, wounds, ways, and attitudes all jump down generations until God intervenes. You are reading this e-book. God is intervening right here, right now. You can get healing. Later, we will share various Bible characters stories so you can see how all this works. I am trying to give you God's view of this subject, as the Bible gives revelation!
Here is an example: You might be from a long line of heavy people who like to eat. You, your mom, your Grandma, and your Grandma's mother or even father. It goes way back. What if the eating or the love of it is secondary, to a huge emotional wound or inner attitude, in all of you, and the eating is because of pain, and not because of huge appetite?
Another example: I dare say in African Americans, many might still suffer inwardly from slavery issues that wounded, even 150 years later. Time does not heal all. Only God can and He will. Keep reading, for there are many examples and scriptures shared that pertain to this!
CHAPTER 2 - "THE LEGEND"
1962, North Highlands, California
"If you boys get a bath, and get your pajamas on, I will tell you a story. Don't forget to brush your teeth." My mom was using a motivating technique to get us moving. My brothers Ray and Eric and I all three raced to be first in the bathroom. Being the youngest and the smallest, I lost. Finally, all three of us were washed, dressed, and tucked in by our mom. We then began the nightly prayers. Those were good times. My mom labored in prayer with us for many people and issues, and God was very near on those evening times. I remember praying longer after my mom turned out the light and left, that is, until my brothers and I started acting up or bothering each other. On this one night, after the prayers, mom asked us what we would like to hear as a story. All at the same time, we chimed in, "Uncle Tony." This was our favorite story. Not because we knew him, or loved him, or even because it was highly interesting or adventurous. We liked this story first because it was real, and second, because my mom told it with a sense of sadness. If a movie makes people cry, they usually come away from it saying, "that was a great movie." In a sort of morbid child's interest, mom had us riveted to that story like no other, and we were more sad about it each time we heard it over the years. I heard it so much, I could tell it with great authority. It went something like this:
Mom speaking: "My brother Tony, or Anton, as his actual name was pronounced, disappeared in 1940. We have no trace of him, or where he might be. Often, if someone is gone that long, they will never be seen again, because they are often dead. The War may have claimed him, or maybe foul play, or he could have gone out of the country. He was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska, while staying with our older brother Alf. I traveled through there in 1940 and saw him briefly. He acted like a typical big brother and teased me a little. I was 18 years old. As we drove off towards California, I did not think it was the last time I'd ever see him."
"Mom," I asked, have Grandpa and Grandma seen him since?" My mom got a look on her face of thoughtfulness and then replied, "no Greg, they haven't seen him either, and it is a great sadness for them. They have given him up I believe. I am sure Grandma prays he will be in Heaven, where she will see him someday." "Mom, what if he is okay and raising a family somewhere in this country just like you." My brother Ray's question was a common one in the family, and was thought provoking. My mom replied, "if that is the case, then he for some reason does not need or want to talk to us. It is hard to believe he would do that." My other brother kept the speculation going. "Maybe he has nesia. I saw that on Bonanza. Hoss got it one time." Eric was good at trying to have answers. Mom smiled. "That is amnesia, Eric, and maybe that is it." With that, mom kissed us, turned out the light, and left the room. I thought about this lost uncle until I fell asleep. That took 48 seconds.
1962 was a good year for me. I was seven, and all was right in the world. But it was not good for my mom. My grandpa Erickson died that year. He was Uncle Tony's father. He never saw his son again. My grandma died the next year, 1963. She buried her husband the year before, and had buried a son who died at 2, but never was a mother's heart probably so wounded as the son who disappeared, and never returned.
Orton Flat, South Dakota, 1930
My Grandpa, Eric August Erickson was a stern man. He was a good provider, and a strong person, but he gave his children very little margin for error. My mother tells me about how he would get the family car running, and if you were not in it when he said he was leaving, you were left behind, with no second chance. Needless to say, my mom and all her siblings grew up very punctual in their life. My Uncle David Lynn who died in 1974 told me a story of how he was jumping from a truck over a chicken crate. He landed in the crate, and his legs were stuck there. David was only a boy. The crate was damaged, and his father saw red. Grandpa Erickson took a whip and whipped him severely. Uncle David laughed about it in his 50's as he told me about it, but it was serious and scary to him, and very painful as a boy. One day in 1930, on the family homestead, a severe scene took place. My mom was 8 years old. It was a few months after Christmas. My Aunt Ida had bought my Grandma some nice china in a nearby city and gave it to her for Christmas. One day, my Grandpa Erickson took a cup from her china and decided he would take it outside and hang it on the pump as a community drinking vessel. This was common in those days, especially if a person did a lot of work outside. My Grandma Erickson flatly refused to let him do it. When he insisted, she became even more confronting. Grandpa was not the one to confront. No one ever did it. He became furious and stepped close and grabbed her at the throat. The little children gasped, and my mom could hardly believe it. She was mortified. Suddenly, her 16 year old brother Tony, stepped forward, and demanded his dad let her go. It must have been quite a large thing for Tony to do. He knew his dad, but he loved his mother. Grandpa let her go, looked around, like he had come to his senses, and then walked out of the house. (I am sharing quite a bit about my grandpa for a reason. Please bear with me, because it reveals understanding of a damaged father and son relationship.)
Uncle Tony went off to high school, and stayed a year or so, but it was depression days. Tony had a confrontation at school. Some other student accused him of something, it is not known what. It was minor. It could have been false. But Tony was like his mother. He was very meek and quiet. He had a kindness about him. He shyed away from a fight. He left school for good, and not long after joined a CCC Camp. These were government camps set up to put people to work in hard times. He stayed there and had a portion of his salary sent home to his parents.
I asked my mom to remember a good thing her father did, so he would not appear totally evil to readers. We know that many things mentioned here are human nature. Mom said that he did and said many good things, but she said that it is kind of strange that she can only remember the bad things specifically. This ought to speak volumes to all of us parents. My mom was under a lifelong impression that her dad did not like her. This was not true, and she knows it. But if a man walks around in his own world, very quiet, maybe harboring a few secrets, and never opening up to anyone, I can see how a young girl or boy might get an impression of not being liked or loved. The following is one story from my mom.
Grandpa loved his family, but he talked very little about his upbringing in Sweden. He left home and joined the Swedish army at 13. He came to America very young after getting out of the army. He had very little to say or seemed very unconcerned with who or what he left behind. There was a very rare visit from his mother before my mom's birth in 1922. She stayed quite awhile, and there began to be friction and possible competition with her daughter-in-law, my Grandma. At one point, she told my Grandpa that my Grandma had let another man put on her overshoes at a community function. This would not have been proper. My Grandpa, a very jealous man, could have taken the bait, but his good sense told him that he knew his wife did not own a pair of overshoes. My Great Grandma was apparently trying to start something, and she knew what strings to pull in her son. He became incensed at her instead, and demanded she return to Sweden. As you can see, he was a very complex man. This no doubt was not the first falling out with his mother. Who knows about his father. In any case, my mom is not sure he saw his mother again. I do not think this was uncommon with immigrants.
Before we leave the topic of my Grandpa in the story, I want readers to know that I knew him as a small boy. He died when I was seven. He was a great guy in my recollection. He smiled much, he was very personal with me and my brothers and sisters, and he cherished our visits to him and my Grandma. He was quite old, and I can still hear in my mind that Swedish accent. He could tease us, and then take us to the general store for candy. He would say, "boys, get in the hind seat." It was a safety thing for him. He was very unique. It is possible the mellowing of age and the maturity gained was the kind of seasoning he didn't have when his own kids were small. I also think God was more in his life at this age. This may be the biggest key of all.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
God wants His representative, the father, to do well, and create the right character image of God in the child.
The Heavenly Father's character image is: (and these traits are available to all fathers and mothers)
1) Love
2) Interest
3) Self sacrifice
4) Blessing with words such as encouragement, positive "you can do it" statements, you are valuable, you are my own, I'm proud of you, etc.
5) merciful correction and punishment
6) Teach where they erred while teaching the right way also
7) Humor
8) Giving of one's self and time, playing, recreation, hanging out, etc. *
* Number 8 proves the words, and is worth more than all the others.
There are more, but a father who practices this list from his heart will nurture a well-balanced child. Are you one who suffers from a father issue? Did I touch on something, or help you think of something, that was done or not done by a father? I am sorry. I am not sorry for helping you see it, I am sorry it was done. I am sure you deserved more, and I know God has something special for you now. In our souls, we can have festering wounds that God has to lance. Sometimes healing begins painfully. Poisons must be released. In our bodies, the poisons are the mixtures of white bloods cells and serum moving in to attack the wounds. In our souls, the poisons can be the protective walls we put up to not let anyone else hurt us. It is also the isolation, the toughness, and the bitterness we think we must take on to nurture that hurt and console our wounds. This can be a life long process, which is very destructive. These poisons can hinder our relationships, stifle our destinies, and make us unhappy people. These poisons also have a bearing on our relationship with God, which undermines our potential. God is waiting to bring you to a place of healing now!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Omaha, Nebraska, 1940
My mom (Agnes) had last seen Uncle Tony in 1940. She was 18 years of age and she was traveling through Omaha to seek a new life in California. She was catching a ride with a cousin and his wife, Clarence and Bernice Lunde. They had told her of the abundance of jobs and opportunity in California, and she wanted a big change. She was quite independent and adventurous. They were coming from the area outside of Pierre, South Dakota where she had grown up. They stopped at her oldest brother's home, whose name was Alf. Alf was married to a girl named Ruth and they had made their home in Omaha, Nebraska. My mom's older brother, Tony (Alf's younger brother) was staying with Alf and Ruth. He was in his twenties at the time.
They arrived in Omaha in the afternoon. They wanted to just stay the night. Alf and Ruth were very gracious and happy to see their little sister Agnes. Tony was also quite pleased to see her. They sat at dinner that night, and discussed Agnes's plans. Alf said it first. "Agnes, you should stay here in Omaha with us. Don't go out there to California. This a good place. You could get a job here. " Mom was tempted. California held some concerns in her mind. She would be alone and on her own. It was farther from South Dakota than Omaha. My mom smiled. "I hear there are good jobs out there. I have always wanted to see California." "But here, we can help you. And we would get to see you more." Alf was persistent, and being the proverbial protective big brother. My mom was wavering. Tony had been listening to the conversation. Now, he spoke. "Agnes, you go and do what you want. I don't think you should stay in Omaha." Wow. Such two different opinions from two big brothers. That was all my mom needed. It was the thing in her heart anyway. Did you ever have someone hit the nail on your deepest desire and feelings when no one else could see it? After some sad good-byes, mom and her traveling companions left the next afternoon. This young woman, my mom, had an appointment with destiny. I am kind of glad she didn't stay in Omaha. She would have missed a young man who ventured to California with his family just 4 years before. If that had been missed, I would not be sitting here writing this. And a small Erickson migration a few years later to California would not have taken place. Many virtually followed my mom from the prairie to the new state of opportunity. This included her parents in 1943. Actually, the other siblings followed the parents. The parents followed my mom. The rest is history as my mom settled in Woodland, California. It is there she met my dad. That day in Omaha, she did not know it would be the last time she would see Tony, who came to her rescue over her dream and destiny.
CHAPTER 3 - "THE ROOTS"
God influences family trees. The influence can effect generations to come. The Erickson's are a family like that. Eric August Erickson married Ingeborg Christina Klukervold and then settled in South Dakota after the turn of the century. Eric was a Swede and Ingeborg was a Norwegian. These two people, my grandparents, were of the courageous, hearty type of people that made America a great country. They braved many difficult trials on the prairie land of eastern South Dakota. They brought 12 children into the world and raised them there on the prairie. The name of the place was Orton Flat. Tragedy hit them in the death of their 2nd son. He became ill, a doctor was sent for but he died at the age of 2. His name was Ek. (aik) I have had three two year old sons. They were so special, and such characters, and they worked their way so into our hearts. What a heartbreak for my grandparents. Although they would have many more children, this must have been a very slow repairing loss.
My grandparents had 6 boys and 6 girls: Alf, Ida, Ek, Tony, Mina, Selma, Ellen, Mae, Agnes, Don, Dave, and Raymond. (Agnes is my mom.) My Grandfather, Eric was a stern disciplinarian. At times, according to my mom, and uncles, he would get carried away with it. He apparently had an ornery side that only old age seemed to mellow out. A tobacco user, he would become very disagreeable when he'd run out. He was a good man who worked hard to take care of his family. One thing that stuck in my mind is that he delivered mail on skis! (Rain, snow, sleet or hail...)
My grandmother, Ingeborg, was a saint of a woman. She had a deep, unfaltering faith in Jesus Christ. This is something she instilled in her children. As a small boy, I wondered sometimes where my mom received her faith. That kind of faith is seed faith, and it grows little by little. My grandmother lost her mother at 2 years old. She grew up and married young and I'm sure was faced with many trials on the prairie. With the death of the two year old, and so many mouths to feed, living in the great depression, I'm sure that she turned to God who proved Himself to her! Her native Norwegian church was Lutheran; so two generations later, I was raised a Lutheran. God got into the family. The Erickson family is unique. Each of the children raised by Eric and Ingeborg went on to raise good families and many grandchildren were given to the Erickson's. The family is one of high character. They are an honorable people. I have aunts, uncle and cousins all across this country, many of whom I personally know, and I'm proud of them. Most of them are touching people, being givers, and adding a moral and blessed thread of quality throughout our society. Through marriage, many of them are linked to other families, and I don't want to play down the significance of those other families; but I'm writing about the Ericksons. The greatest earmark of the Ericksons is love. God is love. This family loves each other, and time and distance has never been able to snuff out the burning love in these people. They hold re-unions, and they send a circular of letters, pictures, and clippings, and it is called the "Round Robin".
Now all of this is leading up to the following statement. The nature and characteristics of the Ericksons' really made Tony's disappearance an even greater unnatural occurrence.
My grandparents, Eric and Ingeborg, died in 1962 and 1963. They died victorious, both professing faith in Jesus Christ. My grandmother's funeral sermon was entitled, "The Death Of A Saint". This was the impression she made on some minister. I was there for the funeral, but 8 years old. I recently heard that sermon on tape. Her deathbed request and prayer, according to the minister, was, that all of her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren would know Jesus Christ and join her in heaven some day.
Jesus came into my life in 1982. I surrendered to him. He came at me like a wave of love and power of such magnitude that I've never been the same. Ever since that day, I have felt at home. Kind of like maybe the faith of my grandmother is close by. And the faith of my mom. And the faith of my God! Around 1994, I had a dream that I was outside in a storm where there was great thunderings and lightning. I was frightened, but there was an old farm house nearby. As I walked up to the porch, my Grandma Erickson was sitting on that porch, and she was looking at me. I seemed to draw peace from her look, and I sensed a great sense of God in that place. I awoke with a great sense of God there, in my bedroom. I noticed it was about 4:oo AM. I got up and prayed deeply and for a long time, and this Divine sensing and power stayed with me quite a few days.
Ingeborg Erickson went on to be with Jesus without ever hearing from Tony. So did her husband and daughter, Ida, son Alf, and twin sons, Don and Dave.
I thank God that my ancestors loved God. The Bible says that God visits iniquity on generations of those that hate Him, and shows mercy unto the generations of those that love Him. I've got some relatives that haven't come back into the sheep fold yet. Jesus' hand is outreached and extended to them. It may be you.
Oh, by the way, if you aren't my relative, His hand is extended to you too, if you don’t know Him, because it is you He died for! If you'll take His hand, you'll be home.
CHAPTER 4 - "WITHOUT A TRACE?"
Eric and Ingeborg, my grandparents, moved to California, probably to follow my mom, in 1943. They had a few younger sons with them. They passed through Omaha and it was said that Tony, who by now had disappeared, was residing in Evanston, Wyoming. They stopped there to look him up, but did not find him or even a trace. Interestingly, I had heard about the Evanston connection somewhere, so I stopped there with my parents in 1973. I was 18. I spent some time in the phone book, and wondered if I might hit pay dirt, but with no success. We went to visit in South Dakota that summer. I decided to interview anyone with a clue to Tony's whereabouts.
My aunt Mae had an interesting clue. It seems a man was fishing at the Oahe Dam near Pierre, South Dakota. He had another man and two women, who were possibly European, with him. (The women spoke another language.) A minister of one of my other aunts met this man and they began to talk. The man told the minister that he had a sister named Mrs. Doeden in Sturgis, South Dakota. That is my Aunt Mina's married name. When the other brothers were questioned, they did not know anything of this conversation at the Oahe Dam. By process of elimination, it appeared the man could have been Uncle Tony. The date was early 1970's. The minister noted Iowa license plates on the man's car. As I traveled that summer from South Dakota to Nebraska, I realized I was not far from the state capitol of Iowa, not far across the Iowa border. Time however, did not permit, and I resolved to return to Iowa another time to search state records. I never made that trip.
That same trip, in Omaha, Nebraska, I sat and discussed Uncle Tony at length with Uncle Alf, the absolute last family member to see him in 1940. At that time, another clue surfaced. Uncle Alf told me that 12 years after Tony disappeared, Alf received a government W-2 type form from a match factory somewhere in San Francisco. He didn't know why he got it, but here was a clue from 1952, surfacing in my own state, California. I noted this and decided to follow this clue up later. I never followed it up.
Throughout the years, there was another searcher, who was way before me, and that was my Uncle Ray of California. He was the youngest Erickson. He had tried the Social Security Administration, and other government channels, but to no avail. When a person is lost in this country, they are lost. Now I suppose times are changing and the computer age and high media society are changing that, but in the 40's, 50's, and 60's, it wasn't so.
In 1982, when Jesus came into my life, He began to work things out in my life. I lost a difficult marriage, but later gained a great marriage. Jesus began a work of restoration in my life. It wasn't long that I figured out He was a restorer, One Who made crooked places straight, One Who gave back what may have been lost, and One Who came to show us how to bruise the head of our worst enemies; sin, death, and the devil. My wife, Debbie and I have a great life with many children and good times. It is Jesus Who came to give the abundant life.
There is a side of Jesus that goes after one lost sheep. Then, he puts that desire in us, and we must go after the one lost sheep. Now Jesus has millions of lost sheep, and He is going after them one by one. When He finds them, they get all of Him, and He gets all of them. It's as personal as one on one. Then each found sheep has their own personal Savior and Lord to love and be loved by.
If you throw a rock in a still pond, circles from the initial splash begin to spread out, each ring creating the next bigger ring. That is what happens to a Christian who comes to Jesus. Things happen, there are catalysts for new things to happen, and the resulting blessings and good developments go on and on. That is what Grandma Erickson did. Her still pond is still reverberating waves of blessing to this day!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Once we have come into the Kingdom of God, God wants to heal us of every bit of emotional baggage and problem. God wants to make us free. Jesus came to set the captives free.
Some symptoms of having an unhealed father issue in your life are:
1) we don't like authority figures
2) we are shy about meeting new people
3) we are critical
4) we try hard to make people like us
5) we are overly concerned with what people think
6) we need a something or someone to give us an identity because we don't seem to know what ours is (Occupation, degree, accomplishment, spouse, car, talent, skill, etc.)
7) we seek male approval or acceptance *
8) we hate male figures and despise bosses, pastors, etc. *
9) Sexual promiscuity (sometimes)
10) depression
11) anger
12) addictions (food, alcohol, drugs, masturbation, eating disorders, etc.)
13) cutting off relationships before they get too close
14) pride and self-superiority
15) job hopping
16) always need a life project to fulfil one's self
17) homosexuality *
18) we isolate ourselves from others.
19) we try to hard and over compensate, using a false mask with who we really are.
Special note: I am not suggesting that all the above are always from father issues. The list is simply an observation of years of experience and observing and ministering to those with father issues.
* Numbers, 7, 8 and 17 have an interesting relationship. It would seem that seeking male approval and despising male figures are opposites. They are, but when a person has a father issue, they usually respond in the one, seeking approval of males, or the other, having an aversion to males. (See my testimony about having problems with male authority figures.) This different manifestation usually comes from each personality difference which is genetic. We are the person God made us, but each one is unique with unique personality traits. A gay male might have a father issue which causes him to seek male approval in a way God did not intend. A gay female might have the aversion to males, brought on by a father issue. I am not saying every person with a father issue will be gay. I am also not saying homosexuality is inherited. I believe it to be environment and upbringing. But I am saying that a certain personality type, which is inherited, who is subjected to a father issue, can become gay as a result.
A heterosexual can have the same problem. A woman might have an aversion to males. This is a father issue. She might manifest the problem as a feminist, or as a person critical of males, and be able to really only have deep relationships with other women. The trust factor is not there. Pastors and bosses get a lot of heat and criticism from women like this. This same woman might have a sister who deeply needs male approval, and it leads her on a path of promiscuity before she is married, or, she is still on that path. This one may have the doormat mentality, and be a person who is highly used by men. Both of the scenarios were created by father issues.
A man might be angry, and not know why, or he might be very macho and image conscious, and even though 6 ft 6 inches tall, be very intimidated by males, and not make friends easily. He goes home and tells his wife he hates his job, and his boss, and if the boss says one more thing rude to him, he will hit him. He really won't, but he talks critically all the time. He suffers from a father issue, and because of unresolved issues about his dad, he transfers that to all men. He might have a brother who has so many friends, and runs with the crowd, and drinks too much with friends, or spends too much time with them, and will do anything to get male approval, because he had the same dad, and he also has a father issue. It however manifests differently in the brother.
There are two main symptoms of father issues on the list. I want to touch on them in more detail.
Addictions
And they made their lives bitter with hard (cruel) bondage, in mortar and in brick, and in all manner of service of the field. Exodus 1:14
And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows. Exodus 3:7
Any person who has a serious addiction or bondage will confirm that it is loaded with sorrows, and that the bondage is a hard and cruel taskmaster. They will also confirm that it is a serious affliction. Bodies are destroyed, families are destroyed, and lives are destroyed as the person in bondage spirals into destruction. For New Covenant believers, Israel in bondage was a type of the New Covenant believer in bondage of sin before Jesus comes on the scene. The Egyptians are types of Satan. Satan has millions of unsaved people and believers also in cruel bondages. God the Father sent Moses to end cruel bondage, and then Moses became a type of Jesus, who was sent by God to end the bondage of sin. As Moses brought the children of Israel to a promised land, Jesus brings us to a promised land of eternal life. But our eternal life begins on Earth, and freedom from bondages is a work done by Jesus, in our lives, here and now.
This word addiction is a more modern word. The Bible word is bondage. No matter what you call it, often a father issue is at the root of addictions. We do not know sometimes why our souls feel so insecure. We find solace in excess, which is a counterfeit, of what Jesus is to be to the soul. Jesus wants to be our security. He said in the Bible He would gives us peace for the soul, and His peace would not be the peace the world gives.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. John 14:27
What is the peace of the world? Addictions. Habits that bring temporary peace will destroy us. Cigarettes, over-eating, alcohol, sexual addictions, drugs, eating disorders, and so on. It is an earthly father's role to impart the security of inner value and strength that makes a young person know they can exist daily without running to a temporary fix. Their insecurity is dark, and the fix of food, or whatever, brings a small ray of soothing light, but it is not the answer. If there is a father issue, and you have addictions, there is a backup answer in God. The answer is sonship in the Kingdom so the Heavenly Father can be your fix, your light, and your soothing. The Father sends Jesus to deliver your soul from torment. Remember, He is the Prince of Peace. The Prince imparts Peace, and shares it with God's own. But sonship under God is what you must desire, to get free of addictions. (See sonship teaching in this manual.) After sonship, we must have faith. Do we really believe Jesus is enough? He is, of course, but do we believe it? "Your faith has made you whole." Those words were said by Jesus repeatedly when someone got victory. The next time you are being driven to your addiction, consider speaking to Jesus, right then. The Peace of Jesus is received by faith, and His Peace becomes an abiding presence, in the stead of the dark insecurity that results in addiction. Find every scripture on peace, and meditate on them. God can really begin to use us in destiny when we get a handle on addictions. Begin to take the information I just shared, and pray about being free.
A good example of a well known addiction was President Clinton’s sexual addiction. We saw how destructive it was to his marriage, his daughter, his career, the nation, and so on. Here was a man raised solely by his mother. There are possibly father issues there, and evidences of tormenting addictions. God wants us to walk into more healing today from all addictions.
The Identity Crisis
As I said, different siblings have different responses to the same upbringing. But if one sibling has a father issue, it is most probable that the others will too. They just might have different manifestations of the problem, and many of the symptoms are not self revealing. God has to finger these in your life. But God is faithful. The identity crisis is a good way to gauge a father issue. That is because it is the father's role in a family to help establish the sense of identity in a young person. Who am I, what am I, why am I? These questions are answered over many years. A father can't show up and tell those answers in one day, and leave again. The father needs a lifetime to relay the message, or at least 12-15 years. That is the first 12-15 years. If this message is not relayed, the young person will have to answer these things with striving. I will strive to be, I will strive to do, I will strive to be or do something or be someone that has value. Our society does not help this problem, because, it basically de-values the individual. The world will tell you how worthless you are in a heartbeat. They will also tell you a solution or two. Over here, you have homosexuality. Over here, you have this nice friendly little cult. Over here, you can rebuild yourself with cosmetic surgery. These are all obvious traps. There are many ready-made and Satanically pre-formed identities to fall into. But there is a much larger more subtle identity crisis, even with Christians.
Many people feel like they are nothing. I will cover this in an upcoming chapter, about shame. For now, having a father issue can make one think that they are of no value unless they become or do. Becoming and doing. These two things can be the most destructive to our spiritual walk, to growth, and to our relationships. All kinds of things become our mask of identity. College, a job, a relationship, our looks, our figure, our ministry, our knowledge, our belief system, and so on. The most common is relationships. Let's use an example of a fictitious woman named Jane who did not get her father's love as she needed. Jane meets Bill. Sometimes, if we find a person who we believe is something, and we doubt ourselves, so we throw our identity into them, and now, we are not Jane, we are Bill and Jane. Jane is lost. They marry. She had no identity because of a father issue, so the needy void was filled by the relationship. But this puts an awful responsibility on Bill, who didn't want a child to nurture, but wanted a partner to exist with co-equally. The more Bill pushes for normalcy, the more radical and unconventional Jane's behavior becomes, because, after all, she is reliving her first major problem all over again. Not getting the attention of her father. But now, the need is transferred to Bill. Bill recoils at the way Jane smothers him, hoping for attention. Jane resents the way Bill likes to have a time with others, such as friends, because, after all, she needs no one but Bill. She feels she will actually die without Bill. This simple and iniquitous form of idolatry goes on all the time. Men do it too. This scenario can shed some light on men who become stalkers. They possibly have an identity crisis that is rooted in a father issue.
If Bill leaves Jane, she will be shattered. Bill probably will leave Jane, unless he gives his life away to God to help Jane be restored. But Bill is working on a father issue, that he didn't create. Ignorance and selfishness did it in Jane's upbringing. Many marriages have ended because of this root cause. We must never be too quick to judge why a marriage fails. Often, the seeming guilty party might have had an impossible situation to deal with. If Jane can get a little bit of revelation from God, about what has really happened to her, she could start down a road of healing. This is because there is a father anointing out there. Bill will need a father's nurturing anointing for his wife. God will send others her way also. She needs the approval of a father's heart, of God's heart. It can really only come through a person, or persons, other than God. WHAT? Those are fighting words. God can't do something?
HOW DOES THAT WORK? Some people have a protective shell around them, which is due to wounds from people, and human nature will not let God through that shell. A scripture says that if you can't love man who you can see, you cannot love God who you can't see. This principle requires God to send in people, His people, to crack the shell. It is cracked by love, acceptance, and blessing. It is cracked by the father's heart, or the father's anointing. IF YOU CANNOT RECEIVE HELP AND BLESSING FROM MAN, WHO YOU CAN SEE, YOU CANNOT RECEIVE HELP AND BLESSING FROM GOD WHO YOU CANNOT SEE. This is the way the Kingdom works. Angels can't preach, or impart fatherly blessing, only men and women can, in God's stead. Once a person representing God can open the shell, God can work Himself with that person very intimately and tenderly to heal their heart, one on one. And only God can heal, either through a person, or directly.
God does not want us to receive our identity from a relationship. He only wants us to receive who we are from Him. God would like us to have our identity so grounded in Him, that if he told us like he told Abraham, to lay the great prize of a son on the altar, we would. If God asked us to lay a relationship on the altar, we could if we were healed of an identity problem. God would never say, leave a marriage partner. His will is clear on marriage. But God might say, put this marriage on the altar, stay with the spouse, but put me first. What if God said put your goal, or your college major, or your profession on the altar? If you suffer from an identity problem, let's do the equation. My goal, ___, ____, minus my goal, ____, ____, equals zero. Is there any thing left of you, after subtracting your false identity mask? It should look like this. Goal minus goal = a whole person. Or, relationship minus relationship = a whole person. This is what I am trying to say. Who you are is what is important to God, and should be important to you. It isn't what you do, or what you are, like a doctor, or a pastor, or the head of the PTA. It isn't who you are married to. It is whether you can accept being special to God, as a human being, and his child, and, as an individual, by yourself, stand alone. We are not human doings, we are human beings. Being a son or daughter of God is a state of being, so we are not becoming, we are not doing, we are beings, and we must accept ourselves as we are. God does, and then He changes us into the image of Christ, and there is no identity crisis in Jesus. We become a special unique individual, in the image of our Heavenly Father.
I mentioned President Clinton earlier. He had an addiction, but it could have been complicated by an identity crisis. One can see how it would be possible to lose one’s total identity in a high public office, but this is dangerous, because it can stifle one’s ability to deal with truly human issues. Could the following be possible? I am the President, that is who I am. I was governor, and high achievement is what I am about. I must be something to be noticed, and they will notice me when I am President. A person who fulfills themselves by moving from great feat to great feat, may always be skirting growth, and not resolving the issues that are highly destructive, such as addictions. A father's hand at an earlier age can avert this problem, or, God's solutions as I outline in this writing must be applied, as the back up plan. Another good example is Dennis Rodman. I am not playing psychologist here, and diagnosing wildly. I heard it from his own mouth, on a Barbara Walter’s interview. He stated he had no father image growing up. As he said it, I saw a little boy in his eyes, and a deep loss and longing. God loves Dennis, and wants to heal him. The bondages and identity crisis this young man suffers from are very evident.
Redeemed
This word means "to get, to buy back, to recover." We hear it quite a bit in Christianity. I love the word. We are eternally redeemed when we come to God, but I want to talk about the word as it plays out here on Earth. God redeems earthly lives. If He must "re-deem" us, what is it like to be "deemed" in the first place? What must God do that hasn't been done? To ask it better, what must He do that should have been done? I believe that what our earthly father is supposed to do is God's first choice for us, but He has a net to catch the mistake. It is spiritual. That is where Malachi 4 comes in. The prophetic word about children and fathers shares God's heart of restoration for children in the New Covenant, or His redemption of their father's mistakes. The blessing a father is supposed to give, and the fall back plan or the back up plan by God, are, two different things. The back up is the redemption from the loss or deprivation of the fatherly blessing. God is good to consider all of sins consequences, such as fathering failure, and to provide healing in spite of human failure.
The Redemption Of The Generations
Rahab
We may not be even talking about your particular father when we discuss father issues. Each father in line of succession of birth may pass father issues in a family from father to child, without the ability to correct problems, or even know the existence of problems. God makes a way for these inherited generational issues to be resolved, when you go to God and get His help. Noah spoke a curse on his son Ham for an indiscretion. This curse went onto Ham's descendants who became the Canaanites. (Genesis 9:25) This long generational curse would resurface in the days of Joshua. Do you suppose the descendants of Ham knew about the incident and the curse? We wouldn't even know unless God recorded it for us in scripture. So how do you know what happened with your ancestors? What decisions did they make? What small or large curse might there be, and who did it? You could go crazy trying to think about it. But this very fact is why I write this teaching and revelation of scripture. Get with God and let the Father go back and break old curses. The Cross and the Blood are for that reason. Red blood is quite significant. When Rahab the harlot was instructed to put a red sash out her window by God through His servants, that red sash signified the Blood of the Cross. Why not yellow, or blue, or green? God redeemed Rahab from death, and all her household. Her descendants became people of God. By the way, Rahab was descended from Ham, Noah's son. She was subject to a huge curse, but obedience to God and faith in a red sash which was a symbol of the blood of Jesus broke the curse or several generations of evil. (Joshua 6:25) Her father's sins and her father's father's sins suddenly paled in comparison to the Redemptive Blood of the Cross, and that Blood and that Redemption is now what is available to you. Keep on reading. The Holy Spirit is going to show you something big, before you are through. It is breakthrough time. It is about time for a breakthrough. Satan thinks he has something on every family on Earth. He thought he would have all of Ham's descendants. But he did not factor in God's mercy and grace, and God's uncanny ability to outmaneuver him.
Esau
It seems Esau got a bad rap. But he was reckless, and his decisions were bad. He despised his birthright, which was an offense to his father and God, and he took a wife by the name of Judith which also grieved his father and mother. (Genesis 25:34, Genesis 26:34-35) By the time Jacob deceived him and Isaac, the curse was already in place in his life. All of Esau's descendants (Genesis 36:43) were under a curse. There is no rich story for Edom and the Edomites like Rahab's story. These people lived under violence, sin and servitude for generations. They worshipped false Gods, and were smitten and continually beaten down by Israel. The sin and curse was transferred down through fathers, to their sons and daughters, dating back to Esau.* After generations, they did not know what was done to make life hard, or who caused what, nor did they care. If you never knew a better life, how would you know what was missing? This is a good question to ask about father issues. We must replace multi-generational father issues with the substance, the ways, and the life of God. Picture God's eye view of your generational chain. You can't see it, but in God, there is no time. He sees all of your ancestors and descendants at once. Your great great grandfather is yesterday with God, or he might be now, or tomorrow. I am not trying to be smart. Your father might have been a great guy. But maybe 4 generations back, there was a problem, and the last 3 generations have lived with a lower quality of life without knowing it. Maybe you took a problem by osmosis and inheritance, and by long association with your father, that God doesn't want you to have. But just see that the Heavenly Father wants to heal you, break curses, and set you on a straight path, leaving the crooked one behind you!
* (Scripture teaches that sins are passed down the generations through fathers, which is why God structured a virgin birth, to bring forth a sinless child - Jesus)
Ruth
Lot gave a son to his daughter by incest. It was her fault, but no doubt related to the way he raised her and where he chose to live. The baby's name was Moab. (Genesis 19:37) He became the father of the Moabites. The Moabites were much like the Canaanites and the Edomites. They were cursed, and sinful. But one descendent was a young woman. Through a long chain of events, she ended up in Bethlehem, and as the widowed daughter-in-law of a Godly widow named Naomi. Ruth was the young woman. When faced with a crucial choice, Ruth chose to deny herself and take a merciful and faithful path, not leaving Naomi to an uncertain and lonely future. This path of obedience caused a man of God to notice Ruth, and take her for his wife. The chain of events in Ruth's life broke the Moabite curse, and God reversed it for all of Ruth's descendants. (Ruth 4:13) Obed, then Jesse, then David, and a host of Bethlehemites, ending up with Jesus. (Matthew 1:5) Joseph and Mary had to travel back to the land of their ancestors to be counted for a tax. It was Ruth's land. She was a cursed Moabitess, descended from Lot and his daughter, until God redeemed her from her generations. If you haven't figured it out, I am talking about you. Whether it be Rahab, or Ruth, or you, God does it. Ruth could not have gotten in on the ancestry of Jesus unless she was totally freed and cleansed of the curse, first. She was allowed and given the honor to help birth the Son of God into the Earth. It was her Divine destiny. What is your Divine destiny? You must help birth sons of God into His Kingdom. Ruth's call and part was no more than your call or part. Ruth did what she could in her time, with the dealings of God, and she arose to the test. Her words to Naomi went into history; "your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God." As Ruth did in hers, you must now fulfill your destiny in your generation. God has ordained your destiny and will help you.
I will touch more on this subject of generational curses and redemption later, in the section called, My Testimony.
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